Lord Of The Ribs: The Fellowship Of The Afternoon Roast

Jack, Bruce, Bruce and Sheila had trekked many miles since we had left them, and they were very thirsty. They had long since run out of rations and had had to eat the turtle. Their only form of entertainment was a Corrugate 64, an old Australian video game console. Unfortunately electricity hadn’t been invented yet (the console didn’t run on electricity, as that would be stupid inventing something that ran on something that hadn’t been invented). The console ran on corrugated iron juice. The recipe for corrugated iron juice is as shown:

Recipe for Corrugated Iron Juice:
50 tonnes of corrugated iron
100 gallons of juice (preferably apple)
Melt the corrugated iron into a liquid. Mix in the juice. Boil away until only one litre of liquid remains. To add the required methane, feed the mixture to a cow. Collect the result and use in any way you want. Do not swallow (though it is Ok to just put in the mouth). 

There weren’t any cows anywhere, and they had eaten the turtle. This saddened them as they had liked playing the Corrugate 64 when they were children. Then they remembered that the only game they had left was Daikatana, and then they were happy that they couldn’t play. They sacrificed Daikatana to God, who rejected it, and so another copy was sent down to Hell. It was the perfect torture device.

To fix their thirst, they drank some strange water that they had found in a capybara hive (like a bee hive, only with capyburas).

The problem was that it was Red Indian Fire Water, and it knocked them out (The bottle had fists as a result of multi-genetic-transmutation).

 

***

 

The Elvish Band of Warriors had walked out of the edge of the forests of Lorm, and saw a strange sight. Two men-humans and a woman-human, as well as a gender-nutral-non-human (Bruce the Koala). They slung them over their shoulders and trekked onwards.