Jack Gets Obligatory Superpowers


Jack woke up the next day and decided to go hunting as he liked the taste of koala flesh. He got his boomerang and his gun and headed out down to the forests. By forests I mean bushland, as there was no such thing as forests in Central Australia in 1807. Or was it 1871? No, I’m sure it was 1807.

He got onto his penny-farthing again and cycled to Sandy Point. The name Sandy Point was completely stupid as there was no sand, only rocks, and it was not a point, it was an inland billabong. He stared down at the beautiful multicoloured fish, the idyllic waters and the unbelievably cute baby turtles with multi-coloured shells that looked almost bejewled.  He licked his lips.

“Mmm,” said the sound coming out of the same lips.

He lifted his boomerang and threw it into the water. He stood there and waited. Ten minutes later he was still waiting.


Five hours later, he was still waiting.

“I don’t think it’s coming back,” he said. “Perhaps I should head home.”

He got back onto his penny-farthing (or some other very Australian bike) and started to pedal home. As he went, he sang his favourite song.

“Da da da da da da da da da! Oh…I live in Australia, and it is good! Australia! Australia! Oh yes, it is good! Australia! Australia! Ooh, yeah, Australia!”

As he sang he got so interested in what he was singing and sang along so lustily that he didn’t realise he was cycling off a cliff. By the time he did realise it was slightly too late, as he was plummeting to his inevitable doom.


He woke up several hours later, somehow fine. He wondered what had saved him.

“I have saved you!” said a voice behind him.

He turned around to get a better look.

It is a strange thing, the human mind. In the instant that you have to analyse new information that has just been revealed to you, your brain can create a simple sentence that at the same time conveys your interest in the new subject that has just unexpectedly entered your life, your sense of surprise mingled with curiosity and your encouragement to continue discovering more about this new set of paradigms. Jack’s brain came up with just such a thing.

“ARRRRRRRGH!” he screamed, backing away from the apparition.

“Do not be alarmed,” said the apparition, who wasn’t called Herbert. “I do not wish to harm you.” Jack was not at all sure that this was entirely true, and so he continued calmly backing away in a whirlwind of disorganised terror.

The apparition looked like a bunyip.

“I am a bunyip,” said the bunyip, “and my name is Bruce. I am here to help you defend Australia. An American named Norman Warren is planning to take over Australia. So here are some superpowers to help you, in the form of this magical didgeridoo.” And with that, he disappeared (The bunyip, not the didgeridoo or Jack).

Jack underwent spontaneous character development!

“Crickey!” said Jack, and with that he picked up the didgeridoo and tried to work out how he was supposed to get home. This was a very serious problem indeed. He tried walking but found he didn’t really like it, so he captured a kangaroo and decided to ride home in its pouch. He stuck one foot in the pouch, and it got coated in a sticky substance that is found inside the pouch of a kangaroo.

“Errrgh!” he said. “Not quite what I’d expected.”

The kangaroo then kicked him in the groin.

“Orrrgh!” he said. “Quite what I’d expected.”

After these recent events came to light, he decided that he might quite like to walk after all.