I got Figma Billy a couple of days before I left for my postgrad intensive, so my plan was to take some photos and review him here. But when I sat down to do it, I mostly just wanted to recount my sixty-two-year-old mother’s response to and interactions with him.

So I figured – we all know that Billy’s a great toy, why not just let my mum write the review?

The poses I’ve framed in blue are entirely her own work, which I discovered on the kitchen bench each day. This is what she wrote:

When Martin first liberated Billy from his packaging and showed him to me, the first thing I said was “Oh that’s revolting.” I think my eye was caught by his little-boy-ish white knickers.


On closer scrutiny, his boobs swelled into vision. Martin tried to make them look more appealing by dressing them in a bra which he tried to tell me was a scarf, but I’m not that easily tricked – clearly it’s a bra.


Martin turned him round to start swapping his hands, and there at the back were his fairy wings – omg, I can cope with monsters and ninjas and daleks and skeletons (actually I really like the skeleton) but a muscle man with boobs and wings???.


I pretty much wrote him off then, even though Martin tried to win me over with his cutesy little shorts and tool belt. However… after Martin had gone off to work, I couldn’t help myself. I really wanted to make him do a handstand and show off to his friends who were watching him.


He’s actually very poseable, the movement in his joints is fantastic.


He also has a really nice face, in fact he looks like a friendly, smiley sort of fellow. I was intrigued so I got Martin to google him when he got home┬áto show me what he looks like in real life – he’s a lot better than the model and even though I don’t like muscle bound men, anything’s better than fairy wings.


I’ll have to try him on my Beswick horses next I think.