Mo Piuth, Mo Problems


“Oi!” shouted Robert, the wind whipping through his hair. “You two!”

“What?” said Mopiuth, her wings dangerously close to being vaccinated by Doctor Circuits.[1]

“Where’s Clong again?” asked Robert.

“They already said that,” said Haizea.

“Yeah, but I want it from the horse’s mouth,” said Robert.

“I am not a horse!” said Mopiuth indignantly.

“The horse’s moth, then,” said Robert.

Doctor Circuits let go of one of his syringes to push his shoulder-button.

“Captain Clong is holding the Mayor of Pequod’s Albatross hostage,” he said. “And he will continue to do so, until he gets the Firesabre.”

“Then what?” said Aleya. “We hand it over to a madman?”

“Not just any madman,” said Mopiuth. “If you just give it to the first madman you see, that’s not acceptable. It has to be Tannoy Clong!”

“Wait,” said Haizea. “You gave us a week, didn’t you? To find the sabre?”

“That was Clong’s limit,” said Doctor Circuits, smushing his hand into Mopiuth’s face.

“And a week is definitely seven days on Mars?” said Robert.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” hissed Mopiuth as she headbutted Circuits’ hand away.

“I just want to make absolutely sure we’re on the same page,” said Robert.

Yes, a week is seven days,” said Mopiuth. “Januaryday to Julyday.”

“Good,” said Robert. “So, we’ve still got two more days!”

“No you don’t,” said Doctor Circuits, pausing his fight with Mopiuth to switch which hand pushed his shoulder button down. “Today’s the deadline. With a strong emphasis on the ‘dead’!”

He clacked a pair of curettes at them menacingly.

“No,” said Robert, “it’s been five days since the day Clong and you all landed and you told us to get it.”

“No it isn’t,” said Mopiuth, “it’s been six days.”

“Clong told us to get the sabre six days before today,” Aleya said. “So we’ve taken five days to get it. That’s two days short of a week.”

“No it’s not!” said Mopiuth. “A week is seven days, Captain Clong told you to get the Firesabre then, so you’ve had six days! And that’s not counting today, so you’re late!”

“By that logic, Tannoy Clong should have waited until the end of the day to take the mayor hostage,” said Robert.

“But that’s because you’re meant to deliver it today, because it’s the last day!”

“Well, he hasn’t given us an entire twenty-four hours,” said Robert.

“Twenty four hours and thirty-seven minutes,” corrected Haizea.

“He doesn’t need to give you twenty-four hours!” said Mopiuth. “Then, that would be eight days!”

“How would that be eight days!?” screeched Robert, tearing at his hair. “Where do you get that extra day from?”

“Because you had the time since Tannoy Clong told you to get the Firesabre,” said Doctor Circuits, rolling his head mirror.

“That doesn’t count!” said Robert. “That’s when we got told, so that’s not a day, that’s the remainder of a day, which is a couple of hours at most! A week isn’t six days and a bunch of hours!”

“Yes it is,” said Aleya, “a week is six days and a bunch of hours. Twenty-four of them.”

“Don’t side with them!”

“Are anyone else’s pockets heavy?” asked Haizea.

“Look, we can go shopping later!” said Robert irritably.

“No, literally!” said Haizea.

Mopiuth and Doctor Circuits stood up.

“Hmm,” said Mopiuth, jumping up and down thoughtfully. “Yes, I think mine are.”

“…I don’t feel any different,” said Doctor Circuits.

“You don’t have pockets,” said Mopiuth.

“So if a week is seven pockets,” smirked Aleya.

“What, are you in primary school?!” said Robert. “This is a serious discussion, Aleya!”

He turned back to their adversaries.

“Now look,” he began sternly, “if I go to sleep five times, then the last day is not day seven-”

“It depends if you take naps or not,” said Doctor Circuits.

“SHUT UP!” shouted Robert. “SHUT UP, I AM STILL TALKING.”

He flailed his arms in anger.

“Are we going to ignore the pocket problem?” asked Haizea.

“Looks like,” said Aleya, reaching into her newly enweightened jacket pocket. “Hey, it’s tobacco.”

Safety Ninja tapped both of them on the shoulder, gestured to himself, and shrugged.

“Oh, you don’t have pockets?” asked Haizea. “Is that because possessions are bad?”

Safety Ninja shook his head.

It was because things in pockets can poke you accidentally.

“I have tobacco too,” said Mopiuth.

“…so do I?” said Robert, pulling some out of his pants pocket. “I don’t even smoke!”

He looked at Aleya in confusion.

“What?” she said. “You think I reverse-pickpocketed it while you were learning to tell the time?”

“You’re the only one here who smokes,” said Robert.

“This is mouth tobacco,” scoffed Aleya, rubbing some between her thumb and forefinger.

“Jabungo!” said Haizea, snapping her fingers. “The train must have passed a general store. We all stocked up by accident!”

The millipede wailed as the train thundered past another town, and everybody’s pockets got heavier again.

“Wh-…oh, dammit!” said Robert, pulling out more tobacco from his pants, like nicotine-flavoured lint.

“This train line must run close to some towns,” said Haizea. “There’ll be a general store every few miles, if not even more.”

“Why are there so many?” asked Robert, as his pockets began bulging with tobacco.

“It’s a flourishing industry!” said Haizea.

Robert was buffeted by a large dusty wing as Mopiuth swept between them, tacking Safety Ninja yet again. The two slid along the train roof, Safety Ninja’s detective coat flapping as he leapt over her, delivering an airborne kick to the back of her head as she rolled and grabbed at his ankle.

Doctor Circuits pushed down his shoulder button, and synthesised the sound of cracking his knuckles. He then followed this up with a buzzsaw noise and some roaring lions.

“Circuits is trouble,” said Robert.

He considered this sentence.

“…are trouble?”

“Whatever,” said Aleya. “We can all tag team him, switch out whenever we need to unfill our pockets.”

“What about Mopiuth?” asked Haizea.

They looked back down the length of the train to see Safety Ninja waving. He straightened his tie, then got back to fighting the moth woman.

“Well, that solves that problem,” said Aleya.

She struck hard at Doctor Circuits with a kick, the end of her wooden leg denting his chest. As he stumbled, Haizea and Robert leapt into the fray as well, Robert grabbing the robot’s arms from behind and hammering on his torso with his machete handle.

They passed another general store, and Doctor Circuits laughed raspily as the three of them quickly hopped away to throw the tobacco out.

“I doubt you or the bright yellow man have a ghost of a chance!” he said. “This train will arrive at its destination, on time!”


Far up the train, Safety Ninja traded blows with Mopiuth, jumping up as she tried to fly over him. As a general store whizzed by, Safety Ninja quickly reached into his ninja pockets and struck out with his still-sheathed sword.[2] The end of the scabbard struck Mopiuth’s hands before she could empty her pockets, and she wrang out her knuckles in pain as Safety Ninja slid drew his weapon’s blade.

An oni stuck his head out of a window.

“Wow!” he said. “That’s ducky!”

He was promptly pushed out the window and off the train by Hibiya, who looked up at Safety Ninja.

“Hey, good job, pal!” he said, as he was yanked back inside by the other oni he was fighting.

Safety Ninja briefly nodded.

Then, he had a ‘Jabungo’ moment, and he imagined a little andon floating above his head.

As Mopiuth rushed towards him, Safety Ninja grabbed her sides, swung her around in a circle, and bodily flung her down the carriages. Righting herself at the last second with her powerful wings, Mopiuth angrily began to charge Safety Ninja again, heedless of the general stores that she had now technically passed three times more than anybody else.

“How dare you-” she began, but Safety Ninja dared a second time, flinging her down the length of the train a second time, passing by yet more general stores.

Screaming with rage, Mopiuth ran up the length of the train, finding herself increasingly too heavy with tobacco to fly, and body-slammed Safety Ninja to the roof.

She hissed and clawed at Safety Ninja, who would have been terrified if he were Space Dan.[3]

Safety Ninja tucked up his legs and kicked her away, grabbing one of her wings and swinging her like a hammer toss. Mopiuth was flung off the side of the train, for at this point she was only a little less heavy than Stan D’Numbley, her wings beating helplessly as she failed to keep herself airborne.

“ARRRRGH,” Mopiuth screamed as she fell to the ground, bouncing past yet more general stores as she hollered in rage.

These bulked her pockets up enough that she stopped bouncing along and began to roll in earnest, passing by several more general stores before rapidly barreling into a small Martian horse. Its spines brushed up against her obscenely overstuffed pockets, and Mopiuth loudly exploded in a huge dust cloud of tobacco.

Smiling to himself, Safety Ninja sauntered back down the carriage roofs, occasionally peering down into carriages to see Hibiya knocking out twelve other oni, or a cowboy and an Ottoman hiding mushrooms in their clothes as they boxed each other. Up ahead, Haizea, Robert and Aleya were battling Doctor Circuits.

Doctor Circuits pushed Aleya off of him and kicked at Robert, who fell backwards onto the roof, the machete handle slipping out of his hand. He reached back, his fingers closing on it, and threw it hard at Doctor Circuits.

Except that he had grabbed an errantly-dropped walky-talky, which bounced harmlessly off of Doctor Circuits’ hard exterior.

Doctor Circuits, expecting Robert to scowl or swear at his mistake, tilted his head in puzzlement as the latter sighed with relief. Relieved that it wasn’t Gerald the Comb, Robert dropped down to get the actual machete handle as Doctor Circuits threw Haizea past him. She landed hard on the train roof, grunting.

Doctor Circuits pushed on his shoulder button.

“Do thank your bright yellow friend for me,” he said. “Now that Mopiuth is gone, there’s no reason for the Ahab not to fire upon the train!”

“Wait,” said Robert. “Okay, maybe you can survive the barrage, but you’ll be badly damaged.”

“I can patch myself up!” said Doctor Circuits, which was optimistic given the fact that he was programmed to treat Martians, not robots.

At the sign of his waved hand, the Ahab’s guns were brought to bear on the train carriage, and the ship itself hovered into range, its engines roaring.

“Cccht! Mayday! Mayday!?” called the walky-talky, before Doctor Circuits could give the signal to fire.

“No, it is Marchday, new companion of Ninguno!” Doctor Circuits said, picking up the walky-talky. “You are very small. What purpose do you serve?”

“Oh, mostly I cook things,” said Martin on the other end.

Doctor Circuits looked over the walky-talky, confused.

“With no arms or legs?!” he said. “Impressive! Would you like to work for Captain Clong instead, my little friend?”

“No thanks,” said Martin.

There was a sound of him grunting.

“What are you doing, Martin?” asked Robert.

“How strange,” said Doctor Circuits. “So there are two companions called Martin!”

“I’m pushing whisky,” said Martin.

“Martin, we’ve been through this,” said Robert. “You are not a Prohibition-era gangster.”

“No!” said Martin. “I’m really trying to push whisky, but it won’t go in the ravine! There’s a stupid cliff in the way!”

Aleya looked down through the carriage’s impromptu skylight, where the myriad oni were still fighting, and then up at the fast-approaching ravine in the distance.

“Keep him busy,” she told Robert and Haizea. “I got this one.”

Taking a deep breath, Aleya ran full-sprint at Doctor Circuits, who had the Ahab behind him, its guns close to ready. She jumped up onto his shoulders, and then pressed off again, rendering the good Doctor an impromptu gym horse. He was kicked backwards as Aleya leaped through the air, reaching up towards the Ahab. She grabbed one of the ship’s guns, jamming a fistful of tobacco in the end as she swung around it, and flung herself up onto the top of the ship’s armoured cabin. She sprinted up its long, slanted neck and jumped off the top, fell through the air for a moment, then grabbed onto a small ladder on the side of the Ahab’s main body. Mantling up the side of the rungs, she grabbed a small hatch and wrenched it open.

A man with green antlers stuck his head out.

“What are you-”

He never finished his sentence, because Aleya took him by the horns and flung him out the hatch, where he tumbled to the ground below. She then slipped inside the Ahab, shutting the door behind her.

“Oh,” said Doctor Circuits, tutting at the gummed-up laser cannon. “Well, I suppose I’ll just have to kill the three of you by myself.”


On the other end of the train, Space Dan was being accosted by a crowd of oni.

“Give us the Firesabre!” shouted one, attempting to grab Space Dan by his lapels.

Of course, Space Dan didn’t have lapels, so the oni had to resort to holding his ceremonial shoulder pauldrons.

“I don’t have it,” said Space Dan.

“Yeah you do!” said another oni. “We saw you leave with it!”

“Well, I don’t have it now,” said Space Dan. “Actually, I do have it now, and I had it earlier, but I also didn’t have it earlier and I don’t have it now. But it’s not here, is the point.”

Looking around in confusion, the Zoot-Suit Troopers and the Pie Bar Gang started shoving and pushing each other, all trying to get at Space Dan, and there was a sudden rustling as bits of paper started flying around.

With a nervous yell, the oni quickly collected the papers. Most tucked them into their shirt pockets, while some ate them.

“What’re those?” asked Space Dan.

“They’re our talismans,” said a Zoot-Suit oni. “We got’em from the Writer’s house when he was dead.”

“He’s not dead,” said Space Dan. “He’s in a pair of buckets.”

“Whatever,” said the Zoot-Suit oni.

“Oh, Mister Fancy here with his genuine Writer paper,” said another oni.

“What do you have?” asked the Zoot-Suit oni.

“Stuff I wrote myself!” said the other oni.

He pulled out his work – a torn-up piece of newspaper with the words ‘Amthe Wrtier’ written very carefully, as well as a small picture of the oni himself.

“Hey, that’s really good!” said the Zoot-Suit oni. “It looks like you!”

There were general mutters of appreciation and respect amongst the oni. The newspaper oni put the paper away and rubbed his horns awkwardly.

“Ah, it ain’t nothin’,” he said. “Anyway, we-”

There was a sudden popping noise from up ahead, and the oni turned around to see what it was.

“Hey, he’s over there now!” a Pie Bar oni said.

The Pie Bar and Zoot-Suit oni all rushed up the train together, pushing and struggling to get at the source of the pop first.[4]

Standing up to get a good look, Space Dan realised that it was he who was escaping up ahead.

“Wow! I’m really clever!” he said, taking out the Amulet.

Jumping in the air a little, Space Dan pushed the kneeling symbol, and was flung back thirty seconds in time, unmoving in space.

He landed a few carriages up the train, and looked back to see if it worked. The baffled faces of a dozen or so oni greeted him.

“Hey, he’s over there now!” a Pie Bar oni said.

Realising his new predicament, Space Dan quickly tucked the Amulet back in his satchel, and high-tailed it down the train, heading for the front carriage. He could see Tannoy Clong’s spaceship up ahead, wobbling a little, and others were fighting on the first carriage.

As the oni gained on him, Space Dan reached the end of the next carriage and jumped, legs kicking in midair as he began to sail between the roofs. But just as his back foot left the carriage, he felt the tug of a large, knobbly oni fist closing on the end of his cape.

Space Dan, yanked backwards by this unexpected tether, began to fall backwards, towards the gap in the carriages. There was a clunking noise, and before Space Dan had time to wonder whether it was the train or not, he found himself suddenly above a carriage roof, his cape free.

He smacked backside-first into the roof, and pushed himself to his feet.

“That was lucky!” he said, rubbing his cape and gasping for air.

He looked over his shoulder, and saw an oni staring at him in sudden surprise from the edge of a few carriages away.

“Maybe I pushed an Amulet button by accident,” he said, sounding uncertain.

He jumped up in shock as an oni hand grabbed at him through the train’s skylight, but heaved a sigh of relief as the hand pulled its owner up onto the roof.

“Hibiya!” said Space Dan.

“Hey, Dan,” said Hibiya, stretching out his triceps and rolling his head around. “Did it work?”

“The Sabre’s safe,” said Space Dan. “Only EVIL CAR didn’t turn up.”

“Hey, at least you got to fight,” said Hibiya.

Space Dan looked back nervously at the crowd of oni behind them.

“This is the best day ever!” said Hibiya hopping with glee. “If this is what the surface is like all the time, I’m movin’ up here! Even if that blue thing is weird.”

“The sky?” said Space Dan.

“Yeah!” said Hibiya. “It’s all..air-ish.”

He flapped his hands at the clouds above.

“And there’s a giant fire, and big fluffy things, and…oop, gotta fight!”

He cracked his knuckles on the side of a Zoot-Suit oni’s head as he punched it, then ran towards the approaching rooftop oni, bellowing.

Space Dan, eager to avoid pushing his luck, glanced around for a means of departure. Looking over the edge of the train, he saw that all but the most dedicated of the whisky distillers had dissipated, their battle either petering out or deciding that the train wasn’t worth it. Space Dan considered trying to hop down and across the few remaining abandoned trilobites to safety, but being somewhat more cautious than Martin, decided not to.

“Safety Ninja!” he shouted, calling out to his friend. “It worked! Can we all get on EVIL CAR now?”

Dodging the blows of Doctor Circuits, Safety Ninja beckoned for Space Dan to come over to the front carriage, ducking below the increasingly close Ahab.

Space Dan hopped past roof-holes and a dishevelled-looking schoolmarm, who stumbled off onto a trilobite to rejoin her kin. Off in the distance, cowboys, Indians and Ottomans were hollering with surprise and rage at the other side of the ravine, where giant silos were being pushed up to the edge of a cliff.


Opal Croan ran through the dingy hallways of the Ahab, as fast as her lobster-like legs could carry her.

“Thassen! Thassen!” she cried, her voice flanged from her cybernetic throat implants.

She slid into the grimy bridge of the ship, where Thassen sat in the second officer’s chair. The captain’s chair was unoccupied, as Tannoy Clong was not present.

Thassen was a human-looking man with a missing eyebrow and an iron, beeping tooth.

Thassen your seatbelts!” he said, as the Ahab hovered dangerously close to the train. “We’re gonna scrape ‘em off!”

“We can’t,” said Opal Croan. “One of them got inside the ship.”

“Thassenating,” said Thassen, knitting his fingers beneath his chin.

“Stop saying puns!” complained Opal Croan, her beady eyes waving on their stalks.[5]

“We’ll lie in wait for this intruder,” said Thassen. “And then, once she’s here, we’ll fight her.”

“Can’t we just jettison the room she’s in?” asked Opal Croan.

“Thassen excellent idea,” said Thassen. “Computer, activate personal heat tracking system!”

The computer did not, because it was busy doing something else.

“Thassen order, computer!” said Thassen.

The computer still failed to comply, because it didn’t like puns either.

Thassen huffed, missing the sound of Opal Croan being yanked by her tail into a knockout-punch.

“Croan?” he said, looking around.

Thassen frowned, looking around the dark, dirty room nervously, with the only sound being the Ahab’s ambient noise and his beeping tooth.

He did not, however, miss the sound of a wooden leg being driven squarely into his nose.

He stumbled backwards, his lower back painfully knocking against a lever sticking out of the control panels. Aleya swung between the two command chairs and clocked her knee hard into his jaw, and Thassan’s beeping iron tooth was knocked out of his head. It sailed across the cabin, where it joined fluff, hair, grime and other unpleasant miscellania in a difficult to clean corner, if the Ahab’s crew had been concerned with cleaning anyway.

He slipped gently into unconsciousness as his head was whacked against a metal pylon.

Aleya pushed him out of the way and sat down in one of the pilot’s chairs, grabbing the joystick controls in front of her.

“Can’t be that hard,” she said, glancing across the sea of buttons and flashing diodes.

She very cautiously tilted one of the joysticks.

The Ahab gave a great lurch and the engines howled as it began to spin on multiple axes.

“Well, calabash!” she swore.

One of the Ahab’s curved wings scraped against the roof of a train carriage, many oni covering their ears at the horrible metal squealing sound. The millipede gave a screech of solidarity.


Doctor Circuits’ optic units thinned.

“Either Thassen has made one too many puns and has been knocked out by Opal Croan,” he said, “or your friend has control of my ship.”

“What?” said Haizea. “It’s not Clong’s ship?”

“Clong will have his time,” said Doctor Circuits. “But some day, when he is badly injured, I won’t attend to him!”

“That might just save his life,” said Robert.

“Robert!” cried Martin on the walky-talky. “Marchday! Marchday! If the train gets over the ravine without the whisky in it, we’re all in trouble!”

“We’re in trouble regardless!” said Robert, dodging Doctor Circuits.

“Hello!” said Space Dan cheerily. “Oh, it’s Dynamite Mackerel! No, wait, he prefers…Professor Microchip!”

Safety Ninja looked both upwards and very concerned as the Ahab rocked uncontrollably from side to side.

“Aleya!” Robert shouted in the direction of the cockpit. “If you can get that gun working, Martin needs a little less cliff!”

“Hey!” said Hibiya, jumping onto the first carriage with the others.

He looked back and chuckled at the hundreds of severely bruised oni he’d left in his wake.

“We’ve got bigger problems,” said Haizea.

“You’re tellin’ me,” said Hibiya. “I might run outta chutzpah before I’ve knocked everyone out!”

He jumped up and down on the spot energetically.

“No,” said Haizea, pointing forwards. “That.”

The ravine was coming into view in the rapidly-closing distance, and above it, an enormous bridge. To call it rickety-looking would be a severe insult to rickety structures, and the whole haphazard wooden construction industry.[6]

“Is that a bridge?” said Robert. “It looks like it’s held together with mud and enthusiasm.”

“That would explain why nobody in Pequod’s Albatross noticed it,” said Haizea. “Actually, even I’ve seen it once or twice, but I assumed it was a giant bird’s nest or modern art or something.”

“Why’s that a problem?” asked Hibiya.

Space Dan, Safety Ninja, Robert and Haizea all stared at him.

“What?” he said. “I dunno what it is exactly, but it looks pretty sturdy to me.”

“It might hold Space Dan if he hadn’t eaten breakfast that morning,” said Robert.

He scanned the skies hopefully for EVIL CAR, but had no luck.


“Gacking chard of a courgette’s pea!” shouted Aleya. “Who designed this thing?”[7]

She angrily yanked on something below her seat, only to discover that it was a life jacket.

Throwing it away in disgust, Aleya tried to get the ship to face the oncoming ravine, and found a trigger labelled ‘Main Gun’.

She pulled it, and the gun fired.

Unfortunately, the tobacco inside the gun clogged up the shot, which offset the shot by some distance. A burning ball of tobacco sailed through the air and crashed into a small cart, which caused a grasshopper man to quickly leap over and throw dust on. Though the grasshopper man was a smoker, this was mouth tobacco, meaning that the resultant smell was not even pleasant to him.

“Standard solution, I guess,” said Aleya, getting up from the chair.

She looked over the controls, to see if there were any escape pods. There were none to be found, but a button titled ‘Modular Release – Cockpit’ looked promising…

“Second-In-Command Thassen,” said a computer in a smooth voice, though the poor-quality speaker made it crack and burble slightly. “Do you still want me to activate the personal heat tracking system?”

“Thassen’s incapacitated,” said Aleya.

Thassen, who had at this point begun to stir and was crawling quietly away, couldn’t help himself.

“Inca-thass-” he began, but he was swiftly knocked out again by a casual kick from Aleya.

“How do I steer this thing?” asked Aleya.

“You must hold down the ‘pour coffee’ button on the right side of the dashboard,” said the computer.

“Why the gac would you make things that way?” asked Aleya.

“Well,” said the computer, “the Ahab’s a funny ship, but if you treat her right, she’ll be flying with you a long-”

Aleya grabbed the controls and yanked them towards the cliff.

“Proximity warning!” said the computer. “Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep!”

“Eject!” said Aleya.

“Okay,” said the computer.

There was a loud clunking sound, and a large fridge-sized computer core burst out of the Ahab, landing gently on the other side of the ravine thanks to a parachute.

“Gack it, I meant me!” Aleya said.

She flipped up the guard on the ‘Modular Release – Cockpit’ button, and angrily jammed her finger at the words.

Robert watched as the Ahab roared over their heads and away from the train, rocking and swinging violently.

The ship thundered above the ravine, the downwards thrust of its engines blowing a few boards off the bridge as it went, wings twisting back and forth. As it swung towards the cliff face, tipped-over silos visible at the top, the entire ship tilted madly forwards and sideways, out of control, and with an enormous boom it ploughed into the side of the cliff.

There was a resounding, crashing roar as the wings ripped into solid rock and were torn apart, dust billowing forth from the cliff. The body of the Ahab slammed sideways into the cliff through the dusty cloud, metal rending and twisting, rock exploding everywhere. There was a metallic screeching sound as plumes of sparks flew everywhere, and the cloud of dust exploded into a vicious blast of solid flame.

As the cliff abruptly ceased to be, the gigantic silos of whisky tumbled down like the mishandled bottles of a milkman, cracking and rupturing against each other, the wave of whisky thrown out into the ravine atop the fireball.

The Ahab’s cockpit shot out of the dark cloud of smoke, bouncing along the whisky wave like a particularly gnarly surfer dude if he were on the front of a death metal album.

“Yay!” said a delighted Martin. “Throw the whisky!”



[1] Of course, being vaccinated is not dangerous, but being vaccinated by Doctor Circuits is.

[2] Ninja pockets were, apparently, immune to the general stores’ effects. This was possibly because ninja pockets were mystical pockets created from folds of ninja magic as opposed to clothing, or because tobacco was considered all kinds of not safe.

[3] Though he would have been terrified at things in general if he were Space Dan, fighting Mopiuth would make him notably and exceptionally terrified.

[4] Much as the Faeries would push and struggle to get at a source of pop first.

[5] He had picked up this habit from his father, who owned a ‘Delica-thassen’.

[6] In fairness to the oni, none of them had ever built a bridge before. Tannoy Clong had to explain it to them as an ‘air road’.

[7] It was less an error of design, and more the unconventional personal flying setup of Thassen. The accelerator pedals controlled the air conditioner, for example, and turning right required pushing buttons with one’s knee.